Thursday, June 06, 2002

Hm.. well, if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of running dry on this topic. Which is weird and maybe unfortunate because it (meaning "balance") tends to be an answer that I always hear. Oh well, I haven't had that much time to think about stuff to write either...

Anyway, question: Is there ever a time when it is acceptable to give up on a friendship?

I was just thinking... sometimes friendships don't always go our way; we put a lot of ourself in, but don't always receive anything in return. Does that give us a right to start giving up on the friendship? But then, friendships aren't meant to be a cost-benefit decision anyway, right? I don't think we need to "try" as hard as we did before, but I don't think we can just give up like that.. it wouldn't be right. It would bother me to know that a friendship didn't work out because I didn't *really* try to work things out. No, maybe I'm emphasizing too much on the "doing" part.. maybe we call each other less and less.. but I don't think we should stop *caring*. And when contact ceases, thus concludes the "friendship of the road."

I've been reading Relationships by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. In their chapter about friendships, they explain that our "circle" of friends is more like a triangle: we contact between 500 to 2500 acquaintances each year, then 20 to 100 "core friends" whom we know by name and see somewhat regularly, then 1 to 7 intimate friends, who are closely involved in our lives.

They cut out our "close friends" into 2 categories: Friends of the Road, and Friends of the Heart.

Friends of the Road - friendships that were strong at the time, but all of a sudden fades into our memories. These friendships were meant to be transitory; they helped us grow through this stretch of the road, before road ran out.
Friends of the Heart - long-lasting pals who know us sometimes better than we know ourselves... etc. =P
Neither categories are better then the other, what matters is how the friendship sustains us right now.

The main point, however, is Friends of the Road aren't failed friendships; they helped us through that time in our lives, and for that we are grateful.

Oh yeah, the book *did* touch upon guy/girl relationships, actually... but nothing much, I'll write about it later. =P

Until next time, this is Gladys Yam.

No comments: